The following reflection was written by Br. Fadi Touma. Br. Fadi professed his first vows as a Capuchin earlier this summer.

Again

For as long as I can remember, I have been seeking to be united with the Crucified Christ. To follow in His footprints is all I strive to do in life. This has not been an easy task and I do not always succeed, for I am a sinner. I have had many trials that have led me down dark paths; however, I have also had many blessings that, by the grace of God, have allowed me to continue to be open to the Spirit working in my life.

After a year of intense prayer and discernment during novitiate, the Holy Spirit led me to falling to my knees to profess poverty, chastity, and obedience. Again. This was not the first time I put my hands into a superior to profess public vows. I was too young to really appreciate the value of vows. They were beautiful words that I proclaimed; however, I didn’t understand. God held onto me when I left the Franciscans of the Holy Land. God held onto me when I decided to follow my family to Canada. God held onto me while I was walking down the path of selfishness. God held onto me when I sought money over His infinite love.

After I experienced intense loneliness and a sense of misdirection in life, He allowed me to return to Him to truly give myself to Him this time. When I was invested with the Capuchin habit, I felt my nakedness clothed with love. The wandering child returned home to Christ. As I said earlier, at vows, I fell to my knees. I knew of my lowliness and my desire to submit to humble Christ on the cross. Proclaiming vows this time was like confessing my love for Christ. I smiled. I cried. I loved. The words were beautiful, and I knew it this time.

As I continue to come to understand the meaning of vows, I ask that the Lord strengthen my desire for Him. I pray that I may let go of my fear of insecurity and rest in the love that Jesus has for me. The vows that I have taken are now a journey. At times, I know that the vows will take me, for I am weak and a sinner. But Christ’s love will never fail me. May our father St Francis pray for me to follow the footprints of Christ living His Gospel the best I can each day.

May God give you peace and rest.